4 Things You Need to Tell Yourself Every Morning to Practice Self-Love
On the road to personal transformation, one thing I noticed was how badly guilt, shame, and fear were holding me back. For the longest time, I thought the world was the problem (my parents, education, exes, finances, etc.), but the more I worked on myself, the more I realized I was a prisoner of my own mind.
Other people weren’t the problem: I was!
This shift in perspective was the most freeing, liberating, and decisive step I took. And one of the most powerful exercises I did to change this was Lisa Nichols’ Mirror Work.
Now, I’ll be honest, I did not do it in front of the mirror. I didn’t even know at the time that this was intended to be done in front of the mirror.
I just randomly came across one of her interviews, heard her mention these questions, and they resonated with me. It’s as if I instinctively knew that this was what I needed in my life to move forward. So, I implemented, and the result was something magical.
I will, however, explain her full concept below, but know that it worked just fine for me, done sitting down, eyes closed, during my morning gratitude prayer/meditation.
What is Mirror Work?
Mirror work is a self-help technique that involves looking at yourself in the mirror and engaging in positive affirmations, self-love, and self-reflection. It was popularized by Louise Hay, a motivational author and speaker, in her book “You Can Heal Your Life.”
The practice aims to help individuals develop a more positive self-image, boost self-esteem, and heal emotional wounds.
Why is mirror work effective?
According to Louise Hay, it’s because:
“the mirror reflects back to you the feelings you have about yourself. It makes you immediately aware of where you are resisting and where you are open and flowing. It clearly shows you what thoughts you need to change if you want to have a joyous, fulfilling life.”
I Don’t Necessarily Agree
To me, the issue with mirror work is that many people can feel self-conscious and embarrassed doing it.
I’m thinking of my decades of Catholic upbringing that ingrained in me the idea that you should NOT stare at yourself in the mirror. I can’t be the only one who was raised thinking like that.
Standing in front of the mirror and staring at myself while I say affirmations might create a bunch of other (very real and relevant) feelings and thoughts that distract me from the issue at hand: my negative self-image.
I do, however, believe that affirmations are incredibly powerful when it comes to changing our self-beliefs, and they have (and continue to) changed my life.
You can also read:
- 97 Self-Care Affirmations for When You Don’t Love Yourself
- 19 Powerful Affirmations for Depression
- Affirmations For Depression: How To Get It Right and What to Expect?
- How To Improve Your Day in 45 Seconds
The World is Not the Problem; Your Self-Talk Is
You may think that the issue is:
- That your parents didn’t give you the love and affection you craved as a child.
- That your older sister continuously belittled you, making you feel unworthy and insignificant.
- That your father was absent or emotionally unavailable, leaving you feeling abandoned and unimportant.
- Or that your ex-boyfriend was an egotistical, abusive narcissist who ruined your life.
And this may all be the case, but the problem is still not them, per se.
The problem is all the shame, hurt, and dark beliefs you now carry about yourself because you have internalized these negative beliefs.
4 Things You Need to Tell Yourself Every Morning to Practice Self-Love
Regardless of whether you choose to do it in front of a mirror, before or after your morning meditation, or during your 5-minute journaling routine, what matters is that you do it, and that you do it DAILY and for a long enough period of time.
- [Your name] I love you for….
- [Your name] I forgive you for…
- [Your name] I’m proud that you
- [Your name] I commit to you today that I….
For each category, find at least 3 things to say.
Here are a few examples of what I said to myself:
- “Steph, I love you for your big heart, your kindness, and your willingness to believe the best in people.”
- “Steph, I forgive you for succumbing to this person’s charm. He is a nice and wonderful human, with his strengths and weaknesses. You couldn’t have known that things would end up badly. Just because things did not end well between the two of you does not mean your judgment was bad; it’s simply the way it is.”
- “Steph, I’m proud that you keep trying to improve your physical and mental health despite the challenges. You made very difficult choices that not a lot of people are willing to make.”
- “Steph, I commit to you today that I will trust your judgment and stand by your side when you make a decision.”
I did this exercise every day for 3-4 months. And one day, there were no more tears! One day, I felt all these things as true, in my core. I could feel that the healing had taken place. I had forgiven myself, I did love myself, and I was proud of myself 😊
You Might Cry While You Do It, and That’s Okay
Do not try to avoid the tears. The tightening you feel in your chest is a signal! A sign that you are onto something, that you are touching something important with your words. That you are on the right path!