Either the holidays are fast approaching, and you worry you will be completely alone, or the holidays are in full swing, and you are currently feeling pretty lonely.
No matter the situation, dealing with loneliness during the holidays is no different from dealing with loneliness the rest of the year. The only difference is that things are amplified during the holidays because you are bombarded with movies or commercials where everyone is doing something fabulous surrounded by loved ones.
You see more people than you normally would, and they have questions and opinions. You attend more parties, or at least, there seem to be more parties happening around you (without you), making everything feel harder.
The secret to dealing with loneliness during this time is to remember that it’s just that: a temporary feeling exacerbated by arbitrary circumstances and timing.
Why You Are Feeling Lonely During the Holidays
In my experience, if you are alone during the holidays and feel lonely, it could be because:
- You have no family or friends around, so you feel a bit sad and left out. You’d like to be with them but for some reason, you can’t (maybe you don’t have any vacation days left at work, or tickets are too expensive, or whatever…).
- You have people around you with whom you can celebrate, but you feel disconnected from them (the “lonely within the group” concept).
- You have people around you, but you are single and wish you had a special someone to share that time with.
- You have no one around you; very few, if any, friends or real relatives. You are alone and lonely “in the world,” so to speak.
How to Deal with Loneliness Specifically During the Holidays
Let’s explore each of these possible situations because I’ve experienced each and every one of them. I still do sometimes…
1. If Your Feeling of Loneliness is a Matter of Circumstances (i.e., Temporary)
In this instance, you feel lonely because you can’t be with your loved ones this year.
Maybe your best friends are all traveling, your family is away, or you have to work and can’t do much. Whatever the reason, you are feeling lonely, but it’s temporary.
- First, take a pen and paper (yes, I said PEN and PAPER, like in the Middle Ages 😊) and explore why you feel the way you do.
- Do you think you have to be doing certain things because it’s the holidays?
- What do the holidays mean to you?
- What does this time represent?
- What’s its meaning?
- Can’t you find this meaning with other people? New people?
- Then you have a choice: you can either do something about it, or not.
- For example, if you aren’t with your loved ones because you didn’t have enough savings, come up with a savings plan and commit to starting early so that next year things are different.
- If you are working this year, there’s probably a reason. Was it something you chose? Why? Were you “forced” into it? Could you have decided otherwise?
Remember, feeling lonely during the holidays is often a temporary situation. By understanding your feelings and taking proactive steps, you can turn this time into an opportunity for growth and future planning.
2. If Your Loneliness Has to Do with Feeling Like You Don’t Belong or Have Real Connections
Sometimes you can be surrounded by friends and family but still feel lonely, and disconnected, like you don’t belong or have anything in common with these people.
Yes, you love them, but you are still lonely around them.
Honestly, the answer here is tricky and requires YOU to do a lot of inner work to understand what is really at play within YOU.
Want Clarity? Download my Clarity Workbook completely FREE now 👇
I’ll tell you what it was in my case, though.
Although I am kind of alone here in Canada, I do have “family” around and (had) one or two “good friends.” These people love me, and I love them; they are decent people; they have good qualities, and they care about me (and I care about them).
The problem is, when I’m around them, I am… unhappy.
I don’t feel entirely myself, and I get this nagging feeling that they don’t know the real me, despite the fact that they’ve known me for decades.
Being with them takes effort, A LOT of effort.
These people are also a bit negative, so when I am around them, I have to control my thoughts, be mindful of my reactions, constantly be vigilant, and make sure I don’t get sucked into their drama.
What I did was put some distance between them and me, regardless if they were the only friends/family I had. I could not bear any longer the feeling of emptiness. I didn’t cut them out and I’m not mean to them or anything like that.
But I was entirely alone for a while (I still am, in some ways). By choice. And then I decided to put efforts into 1. Improving myself and 2. Finding my people.
3. If You Just Have No Plans for the Holidays
I know you don’t want to hear this, but if you have no plans for the holidays and you wish you had plans: then make plans.
Either try to smoothly (or not so smoothly) get yourself invited to a party or event with people you like.
Seriously, don’t overthink this. I literally told one of my co-workers last year: “I like you, what are your plans for New Year’s? Are you doing anything because I’m not super excited about my prospects and I would love to spend more time with you.”
Or, throw your own party.
I know it might sound scary, especially if you are not one to host things EVER. Start small and simple: a raclette or a fondue at home is a good start. Or have a potluck where everyone brings a dish. Order Indian food for Christmas!
Seriously, have fun with it and don’t be so self-conscious.
No one cares, and it really is not as big of a deal as you make it in your head. (Repeat this to yourself 10 times).
4. If You Are Single
Ah yes, the fantasy of cuddling up on the couch with your significant other, playing board games, drinking hot cocoa, and laughing while Christmas cookies bake in the oven.
Yeah, that’s BS.
I had boyfriends during the holidays. Yes, they were happy times, but not always. And they weren’t perfect times either.
Honestly, being alone can be just as great if you plan for it in advance.
It’s okay to spend Christmas morning in bed watching movies, eating croissants, playing Christmas carols, taking a nice walk outside on your own, talking to your mom and dad over the phone, and reading a nice book with a cup of tea in the afternoon.
In fact, it’s pretty awesome if you chose it, planned for it, bought the croissants in advance, rented the movie the day before, thought about the exact books you wanted to read, and had it ready next to your bed, which was made with clean, fresh-smelling sheets, etc.
And if you feel GRATEFUL FOR EVERYTHING YOU HAVE.
It’s all about not allowing yourself to feel like a victim. You’re going to be alone this year? Then how can you make this the BEST Christmas Day, or Eve, or New Year’s you spend alone?
Then do just that.
Related post: How to Improve Your Day in Under 45 Seconds
5. If You Have Absolutely No One You Care About or Who Cares About You
It’s the holidays, and you are completely and utterly alone.
Yes, that’s “sad”, but what if I told you that everything is relative?
In 2020, amid the Big C. (in case you didn’t know, it’s like Voldemort: you can’t say That Word online or you get demonetized), I was:
- Temporarily “handicapped”: I could not use both hands (!) because of undiagnosed rheumatoid arthritis and chronic inflammation. I was getting little to no help from doctors because of the Big C. Scary times.
- I had lost my job. Had no prospects. The future looked bleak: how would I work and have a life without my hands??
- No family, no friends around: airports were closed, and a global crisis was happening.
Christmas came, and things were no different.
Would you believe me if I told you that, as someone who was the loneliest and saddest person on this planet, these were some of the HAPPIEST times in my life?
Well, they were.
And they have changed the course of my ENTIRE life.
I know it sounds cliché and that’s probably another thing you don’t want to hear, but it’s not about what is happening to or around you: it’s about how you experience it. It’s about your mindset.
Read my next point for more.
6. In ALL Cases…
The best way to deal with loneliness is to:
- Do something about it if that’s what you want: This means meeting new people, putting yourself out there, and reading books about social skills, emotional intelligence, acceptance and compassion, relationships, etc. You are not a victim of your circumstances. If you want more people in your life, then get to work and do just that.
Related posts:
How Do You Build More Meaningful Relationships?
How Do You Make New Friends When You’re All Grown Up?
- Do all the things you can’t do when you are with people: Focus on personal development, health, meditation, journaling, self-exploration, deep inner work, and solo trips. Personal transformation is one of THE MOST rewarding goals there is.
Related posts:
Have No One to Hang Out With? Read This
How to Start Journaling When You Think You Suck at it?
My Personal Transformation Journey or How I Changed My Life Drastically in a Year
- Do something creative: Write, paint, dance, sing—do something, anything, to EXPRESS yourself. You will learn so much about yourself, feel much more fulfilled, and have SO MUCH more to share with others once you ARE with people.
- Find a goal that lights a fire within you: You know, the kind of goal that gets you out of bed every morning, regardless of whether you’re sick, tired, or happy?
- Improve yourself: If you are unhealthy, over or underweight, lazy, unmotivated, etc., make self-care and getting fit your goal. If you are in a bad financial situation, make that your focus. Start a business, learn a new skill, commit to getting a promotion at work, and do what it takes. Get a coach, do something, anything. But, for the love of God, DO something.
Related posts:
9 Surprising Ways to Prioritize Self-Care During the Holidays
The Art of Solitude: 16 Tips for When You Hate Being Alone
- Do something for others: One of the best ways to stop feeling sorry for yourself, especially when you feel depressed and down and can’t find a way out, is to focus on how you can help other people. How can you make someone else feel loved, special, and appreciated for once? It doesn’t have to be someone close to you; it can be any random person. Volunteer, call that great aunt you’ve neglected for the past two years, bake cookies for the homeless person near your job, make a DIY card for someone, etc.
Hang in there. The holidays won’t last forever and you can learn to love solitude. Trust me. I was one of the loneliest souls out there.
Read next: 9 Surprising Ways to Prioritize Self-Care During the Holidays
